21

feeling blah on my birthday..

big numbers. tapi rasanya nothing really special by turning 21..
and unfestive juga.. temen" ngga ketemu, pacar juga ngga ketemu.. seharian di rumah aja nerjain skripsi..
semprul..

cranky birthday nih.. huhuhuhu

seeking redemption

sekarang lagi di dalem kelas Riset Pemasaran.
di depan dosen gue lagi jelasin pengolahan data dengan spss..
and checkout my browser's history :

windows live hotmail
facebook
friendster
multiply
blogger

gyahahahhaha i;m really holding myself from signing in to msn and emailing my boyf.. :p

suka ngga enak sendiri deh sementara di bekerja keras di kantor gue malah nyantai" gini.. lately aktivitas gw sehari" kalo ga ke kampus, ngerjain skripsi, yoga, atau ngga dvdan hahahahha haduuuuu nyampah deh bow.. rasanya gue cuma seonggok daging yang ngga memberi kontribusi apa-apa...

i'm seeking organisational redemption nih hari ini (hence, my mood status in facebook)
by that i mean untuk kembali aktif di kehidupan organisasi"an di kampus. soalnya kemaren" agak menelantarkan gara" sibuk freelancing, jadinya males.. hueheuheuheuheu

gyaaaaaahhh!! \,,/ (tangan metal)

twenty one

i'll be 21 in a few, and so as i've done last year and the year before, since i started this blog, it's time for another reflection of the previous year.

my 20th year was about courage, taking risks, and learning, discovering more of my potential. this year, for my 21st i've learned a great deal of things. things i wouldn't've been able to overcome without the courage i earned last year. So much had happened, some good, some bad, and some are very good. ;D

this year i learned about my heart, and through it i learned about honesty, independence, dependence and reaching for what i want.

i used to 'drive' my heart. point it to what it should want, and how it should want it. sometimes i drive it to conform with majority's opinion, sometimes to its contrary. Alhamdulillah udah ngga lagi. setelah i look back to this year, i've been more honest to myself, banyak banget langkah yang gue ambil itu based on intuition. i close my eyes and try to listen to what my heart's saying. sometimes i can't hear it clearly, sometimes i argue with it, sometimes i try to ignore it, but in the end i follow it. It made me do things i didn't know i'm capable of, it made me do impulsive things tapi untungnya it all turned out allright., even better. It showed me another side of myself i did not know existed, and it gave me the courage to dream and to reach for it.

this year gw mengalami kehilangan yang menurut gue cukup banyak. kalau secara jumlah sih memang cuma sedikit, tapi kehilangan itu cukup painful dan bikin gue restless karena mereka orang-orang yang sangat penting, or used to be penting dalam hidup gue. these losses made me feel betrayed, and it put me in a state of denial, it also gave me nightmares to a point where i refuse to sleep, karena these losses happened berbarengan. tapi lalu these loss taught me to be more independent and to stand with my own two feet. they taught me that despite all those pop songs' lyrics, some friends you can't really rely on. not even the bestest of them. and the remaining that you can trust, you must keep.

despite the losses, i've also gained a lot this year. i had 2 internships this year yang memberi gue pengalaman yang besaaarrrr and new friends too. and i went to europe last summer, to london and paris the 2 cities i wanted to visit the most (and still wanting to come back! :) ) but the best of it all is that i've got a special someone now.. :) i started this year quite alone, with half a heart of what's left from my unsuccessful soulsearchings dan optimism yang semakin menipis sementara rasanya capeeeeeek banget not having someone to share. memang sih along the way ada juga yang nemenin tapi none of them feel quite 'right'. alhamdulillah.. sekarang ngga lagi. it still amazes me how things fall perfectly, comfortly between us, and at such a short time.. -duh, jangan" a big fight is around the corner nih :p - well, so far he's been everything i prayed for, and i hope so am i for him. insya allah lancar-lancar terus ya.. aamiin *crossing all my fingers* :)

this has been a blessed year. with all the challenges i encountered in it, it is strangely comfortable. dan melewati tahun ini, i have a bigger confidence, comfort in my own skin, peace of mind, and contentment.

for next year,
i've got new hopes and dreams, BIG dreams..
Insya Allah bisa kesampean yah.. aamiin.. :))

they say

last night i was having dinner with chichi when my boyfriend called..

chi: *geleng-geleng* sumpah yah Ji, sekian tahun gue kenal sama lo belum pernah gue liat ekspresi muka lo kaya gitu..
me : huh? kaya apa??
chi : kaya..kaya gimana ya.. gila belum pernah deh gue liat ekspresi lo kaya gitu
me : kaya apa??? kapan?
chi : apa ya.. tadi pas lo telfonan. hm..longing.. in a good way
me : longing?
chi : in a good way
me : okay.. like what?
chi : *mencontohkan beberapa gaya tapi gagal* aduh susah.. like..like you're really in love
me : *laughs* well, i am aren't i?
chi : *laughs*

kalau postingan di blognya chichi ada yang awalnya "almost forgot this kind of feeling the way you made me blush.. " maka gue:

i almost forgot how it feels to need
to long
to absolutely cannot live without
to be distressed of being far apart

hahahaha agak lebai..

kemana tuh Jinit yang dulu
yang selalu act independent
little miss know it all do it all by herself no need for boys to have fun?
yang selalu menistakan dependance toward anything and most of all towards men?

she had fallen in love they say.

:))

slightly misplaced

when i wake up it is not your eyes that i found
when i make my morning tea, i'm not sharing it with you
when i plan my days, you're only on my weekends
when you say you're on your way home, it's not into mine, ours.
when we go to bed together it was just on the phone
curling under the blanket i wish you were in there with me
and when i finally fall asleep it is not in your arms..

yet..

aamiin..

Pengennn.. fall asleep in his arms every night and wake up to see his eyes, have his skin as the first thing I touch every single morning. To have his scent blend with mine and have it clinging to my skin all day long.. sepele, but those are the things that make any union meaningful. the very meaning of inseparable.

pesan untuk temanku

tadi baca" blognya agnes temanku.. and there was a post tentang pintu hati.. sepertinya dia mengalami apa yang gue alami dulu.. so i left a comment..

Jinitya Yasmine Basarah said...

sama bangggeettt..

taPi jangan khawatir sayang.. the less easy road taken is the
more rewarding one.

I did that too.. for a long long time. sure, it gets lonely,
cold and tiring sometimes.. you wish you had let that last person in, just for
tea or a glass of coffee. tapi dont regret anything..karena the next time the
doorbell rings again and when you peeked through the hole it's that person
you've been waiting for and you let him in, everything will be just PERFECT.
just perfect..and you'll know it's worth the wait.

Mungkin alamat lo agak ribet
so he's having a little difficulty finding your door.. :)

Percaya deh, love's
always worth the wait. been there done that! ;)

Friday, November 02, 2007 1:56:00 PM