moral degradation?

had a lucky strike yesterday.

and felt not a bit of remorse..

my defect?

hum..
lagi agak kangen sama seseorang nih..

gw baru sadar kemarin he actually means something to me.
I thought i can just wave him away like i did to other guys.

but it's too late isn't it? like always.

And it's a too scary thought anyway: boyfriends..

from the desktop of corporate secretary (soalnya di marketing penuh)

Get out of your element today and get energized.

Try something bizarre and new

Yeah, i really should try something to excite me..

hohohoho so this is where my life and chi's intersects..
currently at the same office, same desk, same cliques, same problem..
tapi ramalan bintangnya beda hahahhhahaha

I wanted to whine here in the first place. But i read as chichi was writing on her own blog. JAdi kehilangan selera. Just too angry to write it down.

jadi ceritanya kita punya temen yang jahat. *yee cerita juga dia..*
No, wait, kata temen rasanya terlalu bagus untuk dia sandang.
Ada baiknya kalo pura" ga kenal aja nih dari sekarang. hahahaha

Tapi si teman kita itu memang bener" cerdik..sayang manajemen bohongnya kurang jago.. dan ternyata kurang mengenal teman"nya secara lebih dalam. Sesuatu yang tadinya bisa memecah kita sekarang justru jadi bikin kita makin solid. Gimana ngga?? countless sesi curhat dengan bumbu marah" dan air mata! hahahahahaha hebat kan dia??

Udah ah capek ngomongin si tolol itu melulu. Mau kita bahas dan kasitau kaya apapun kayanya ngga akan mudeng. lebih baik melihat sisi positif masalah ini saja..

Gue bener" jadi mengenal temen" gue. I mean. selama ini kita memang udah deket meski intensitasnya beda" tapi masalah seperti ini bikin karakter masing" lebih keliatan. Siapa yang cenderung tegas (gue), sabar, terlalu sabar, ekstrim, dan sebagainya. Kita jadi deketnya rata lah satu sama lain karena punya masalah yang sama.

Hal ini bikin gue bener" bersyukur nemu temen" kaya mereka.. especially karena gue jadi tau banget seberapa sayangnya,pedulinya kita satu sama lain (sounded gay huh? :p). jadi kalau" gue salah jalan pasti mereka akan bantu gue juga and i promise myself to listen! pluskita sama" belajar menjadi dewasa dari satu masalah ini aja. (ya iyalah super berat macam begini!)

I just wishedmasalah ini ngga terjadi sama temen (atau musuh?) kita itu.. Malang nasibnya.. *tuh kan baik bener kita.. biar jahat we still wish her well!*

Semalang-malangnya kita ketiban bencana peduli dan bersedia ngurusin dia, tetep aja dia yang nanggung konsekuensi perbuatannya. we may lose a friend, but she would probably lose herself and her future. yah mudah"an aja ngga sampe segitunya..

huh.. tough life eh mate?

I think i'd better run..run..run..run..

whines

oh god,
what is up with the internet connection??
Lama bangettt!!! kirain cuma di kantor doang yang (SUPERRR) lelet..
uhuhuhuhu

siak ng juga ga beres pula..

Capek..
ngga enak badan nih..
pengen bolos magang..

huuuu..

sunset photos

Bagus ya?? :D

Love Problems

Rasanya weekend ini everyone’s having a love problem. I mean, semua pasti slalu punya masalah tapi kayanya weekend ini semua lagi lebih terpusingkan sama masalahnya masing”.

Malam minggu ini dari jam 5.30 sampai jam 3 pagi ada 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,6 orang yang curhat. Meskipun semua berceritanya ngga sama intensnya tapi at least ada 6 orang di sekeliling gw yang lagi pusing. Belum ngitung yang ngga cerita ya..

Gw jadi ikut sedih deh. Apalagi waktu yang lagi cerita one of my best friends yang dikenal selain karena kebaikan hatinya karena dia orang yang ‘kuat’. But last night, well morning, she was close to tears.

Smalem agak kesel juga karena nyu dengan mengeneralisir ngomong, tepatnya dengan agak ngebentak ‘emang, semua cewe itu pembohong!’. Okay.. Setau gue itu predikat milik cowo” deh..

Semakin gw gede semakin gw memaknai bahwa dalam hubungan antara cowo dan cewe semuanya selalu berupa grey areas. Whether dia statusnya pacar, htsan, sahabat atau cuma deket. Ketulusan selalu jadi pertanyaan dan jawabannya berubah-ubah with the seasons.

Persahabatan secara umum bisa dibilang lebih tulus. Tapi kenapa status pacar justru lebih tinggi dari sahabat kita? Kenapa pacar boleh punya privilege lebih? Apakah itu a power bestowed karena dia berani menyatakan perasaan dan kita menyatakan balik? Lalu bagaimana dengan keterbukaan? Banyak hal-hal yang bisa lo ceritain ke sahabat lo tapi, ngga ke pacar lo. Pacar baru bisa dirasa ketulusannya setelah lo ada di dalam hubungan beberapa lama. Dimana pacar lo mulai menunjukkan sisi aslinya dan ngga ada lagi kepenitngan lain dalam cara dia besikap. Beberapa hubungan pacaran bahkan ngga sampe tahap. Htsan obviously bener” gray sementara orang yang lagi deketin lo mostly memiliki ketulusan paling sedikit dari yang lain.

Dan membahas seperti ini sebetulnya ngga ngaruh apa-apa. What’s grey shall remain grey.

Topic of The Week : Finding a Husband

And I am oh, so fucking tired!

This week I started interning at PT. JAS; an airline services company. The first day after interning, my mom asked a few question.. the first one was “How was work?” the second one was “Did you meet any eligible guys?” And it dawned on me.. The reason why she was so ‘supportive’ a.k.a PUSHY about this interning thing is: She wants me to meet older, as in READY TO BE WED guys!

A few days after, I returned home from work, swamped, i lay around in my parent’s bedroom. My mom was also lying there reading something. As I lay there she starts talking, asking me to bring a boyfriend home. And then, she clutched my hand looked at me deep in the eyes and said “Please Teh, Mama pengen punya cucu..” I literally got out of her room screaming.

Friday night I told Kiting about my mom’s request and her New Year’s resolution, which is : Having a familiy dinner with her Son in law to be. And How it got me quite stressed out. Because you see, as a respectful, dutiful daughter, I do, I really do want to fulfill her dreams. But on the other hand, I can’t see things the way she does and I am disappointed because other efforts and achievements I made in my life isn’t fulfilling enough. She’s proud of me of course, but she will only be happiest when I marry young with a tall wealthy healthy hard working good looking young man at least 4 years older than me. After which I am obliged to give birth to her grandchildren and stay home. NOT fulfilling MY dreams.. She is such a traditionalist!

So I spent that night talking with kiting about the future plans and evaluating those boys (yang sempet mampir) in my life. Those boys who only I get to know well and I get to date but never have any relationship with. Kiting and I agreed a certain guy actually fulfills all the criteria, the ‘blurry gem’. The only thing he lacks is he’s less than 4 years older than me. But, if I want him I have to put extra efforts which I’m not sure I want to. Cuz sometimes I wonder If I really like him..

To my desperation last night I said to Rama I need a guy I can bring home without any fuss. Sort of like a stunt man. We don’t need to have any relationship, a good friend is sufficient to show to my mom. Well, a good friend with certain criterias mentioned above to shut her up. She’ll assume we’re dating anyway. Rama offered himself since we’ve been friends for such a long time and my mom knows him so well, but it won’t work with him since his mom’s a friend of my mom’s and his sister is a friend of my sister’s. So guys, please feel free to submit your application!

;D

BACK

back where?

square one. Tempat yang sama setahun lalu dimana gw merasa malas mencari pacar. Setahun ini sempat dekat dengan cowo" yang ternyata menyukai gw padahal gw ga maksud, cowo" yang gw sukai tapi ternyata doesn't turn the favor dan cowo" yang gue kira akan gw sukai tapi ternyata ngga.. Rada capek ya..

Di anyer kemaren sempat ngobrol dengan prio dan dia menanyakan berapa banyak 'hitting'-an gw selama setahun ini. Dengan malas gw hitung karena gw lagi merasa ngga laku ngga punya pacar di tahun 2007.. setelah gw sebutin jumlahnya sama prio dikali 3 -berdasar statistik perbandingan jumlah cowok sm cewe itu 1:3 -. lalu kata prio 'banyak tau Ji.. lo udah ngambil kesempatan cewe-cewe sebanyak itu!' gue nyengir-nyegir senang 'bener juga ya.. heheheheh'

Tapi later that day i thought : 'FOR WHAT??' ngga ada gunanya juga ngambil kesempatan orang" lain, toh gw belum jg bisa menemukan the one for me.. what a waste!
Lalu kata Nyu 'Yaudahlah Bo.. seperti yang udah gw bilang (Nyu emg sering bgt bilang ini) kalo lagi susah ya rasain aja dulu ngga enaknya..ntar juga kalo udah lewat udah bisa seneng-seneng lagi.. ya kan? gw juga.. ' dan Nyu tidak pernah lupa menyisipkan curhat colongannya.. hahahahah

Yah begitulah Wisata curhat gw ke anyer ahahahahha. bener" full curhat 72 hours! perjalanan pulang dan pergi kesana curhat sama Nyu. Malem pertama curhatnya bertigaan tambah Za si Kiting sampai pagi. Besoknya curhat di pantai sama Prio, sorenya sama Chichi. Untung malem kedua bisa tidur (gw dan Nyu udah ngga tahan meski Kiting ngajak curhat lagi). Besoknya ya sama Nyu lagi otw home.. :D

it was so fun though.. malah jadi aneh pas nyampe jakarta tidur ngga ada Nyu dan kiting. hihihi you might ask : kok jinit tidurnya bertigaan sama cowo"?? soalnyaaa cewe" yang lain ga bisa ikut dan yang ikut pada pacaran! jadilah kita bertiga bareng" terus, curhat" terus.. huff..

Oh goodness!

Can't remember the last time i posted anything!

On new year's eve i spent the night at Andro's with the sociology bunch plus chichi. they are such crazy fun people. We arrived at Andro's around 10, at 10.30 i am asleep in front of the TV. around 11 i woke up beacause dedes and prio and Andro started some sort of fire in the garden trying to lit the fire for barbecuing. at 11.58 chichi insisted waking me up for the sake of counting down the last seconds of 2006. We counted down. We saw fireworks on the sky. We hugged each other. then i decided to go back to sleep. Which didn't succeed because now everone's chatting by the tv. So we chat chat chat. Around 1 o'clock we made our resolution for the year 2007 - me and chi's : graduate! - after more chit chatting by 3 o'clock we concluded we're going to get our first breakfast of 2007 in bandung. So after tidying the house and take chi and putri home we went to bandung..

It's been 10 days since new year and i already felt my way of viewing life is shifting.
kayanya gue jadi lebih matang dalam melihat hidup. entah kenapa ya.. i made a life plan yang isinya target" achievements gw tiap tahun and i really really intend to fulfilling bahkan sampe hal-hal absurd seperti menikah (tahun 2012) dan mendudukie top management position in the place i work at(tahun 2015). And since i've planned them rasanya jadi lebih jelas and i feel like i'm gettting ready to sprint, real fast. tapi di sisi lain juga berusaha taking it easy karena sebentar lagi gw harus jadi orang dewasa dalam arti sebenarnya.. why oh why?