i wept last night

I had trouble sleeping last night.. my head just won't shut up. usually their chatter stops when my boyf call so we could sleep and snore through the phone. But he's in bali for the next few days so we can't do that. We texted but he fell asleep at some point when i'm still awake.

So then i put my ipod on around 2 am, and weep to coldplay.

No, not because he fell asleep before i did! LOL

probably it's the pms (classic)

or my envy to the cast of BBC Switch's Class of 2008's independent life, however impulsive and kinda irresponsible it is.

or the afternoon chat i had with my aunties about nationality and our disappointment about this nation (well, i didn't complain much since as you know i'm abstaining on all that) which makes me want to flee Indo even more.

and then talking about my future with them. Work, and chances on working abroad. i feel i so need to improve my life.

later i discussed about working abroad with my boyf, and i became sad.. about the idea of parting, eventhough it's just an idea, but if the opportunity comes i know i will want to take it so badly.

and then i weep and weep because i am angry that my life after college still hasn't begun. I really really really want to work. to move out of the house. to get on with my life. get married or do something, anything.

however hard it is to be in that jungle at least i'll be living my life. my very own life.

o yeah, i said something kinda smart last night hahaha

It's ok tante if they become Singaporeans. It's doesnt matter what their nationality is, Indonesia will always be their heritage. It's two different things. This country has got nothing to offer anymore.

(Tante Silvi lives in S'pore and her son who was born there and has dual nationality had to enroll in s'pore's military service if he wants to continue living there, but that would make him singaporean by nationality. Yet if he choose otherwise he has to come back to Indonesia)

I love this country, i do, really. But it's a love-hate situation. i love it but it (or the ppl that runs it) seems to hate me. So at the same time i'm trying to forget my love and attachment to it because i know everything's so f-ed up. It's like dating a guy or since we're talking about our mother land, having a mom who likes to beat you up as a favorite past time.. Simply heart breaking.

ah anyways...

i'll just stop. i want to keep a positive vibe today.

Until next time!!! :))

you are

Come close to me
only your love can do me
every little thing i do you are

baby you know you're special
i dont care what the rest do
every little thing i do you are

Tell you i'm glad i risked it
God knows i would have missed it
You're so amazing baby everything you do

burning down.. burning down..

this occurred just 5 minutes ago

I was sitting, browsing with my laptop when my mom suddenly came out of her room.

Mom: Teh liat tuh teh diskusi politik.. jangan kamu kutak katik komputer aja itu.. Negara kamu lagi hancur ini..

well, all the more reason not to watch rite?

she wanted me to care more about politics. and possibly even try to be a legislate to try to change the state of it..

D'uh??

firstly, i am not rich. therefore i dont have enough money to buy a seat di DPR
secondly, i have sinned enough in this 21 years in my life i do not want to add more to it by becoming a legislate.. amit amit..

call it apathy, pessimistic.. both are right. i try to give the least damn of what's happening in our country's politics and am not going to participate in it because i don't think anything can be fixed anymore with the rate it is in right now. The change's moving too f-ing slow.

Really, we should all flee this country.

I might have brain damage..

last thursday i went to a food manufacturing company's psychological test where they made me do this test where they have a newspaper sized sheet full with numbers to count. and of course other tests too.

and the last friday i went to do another test in a cosmetics company which took all day. it started at 10 and ended at 7.

the headache hasn't stopped ever since. i feel this constant pressure in my head and everything sounds annoying just ringsssss and ringsss and ringgssss..

i've laid down, not drink alcohol, slept for hours and hours, cancelled going to a wedding, had abang massage my head, hit my head against him, against the wall, not taking shower until noon, maintain a frown on my face, eat yucky japanese spaghetti -waraku (DO NOT BE TEMPTED BY ALL THOSE WAX PAST MOCK UPS THEY PUT IN FRONT OF THE RESTAURANT), writing all these nonsense and still..

IT DOESNT GO.

oh my goodness.. i really hope i get this job..
please please please please please please..

btw, i saw a picture of probably the cutest kid on earth.. Suri Cruise.
seeing her does sooth me, a little.