i wept last night

I had trouble sleeping last night.. my head just won't shut up. usually their chatter stops when my boyf call so we could sleep and snore through the phone. But he's in bali for the next few days so we can't do that. We texted but he fell asleep at some point when i'm still awake.

So then i put my ipod on around 2 am, and weep to coldplay.

No, not because he fell asleep before i did! LOL

probably it's the pms (classic)

or my envy to the cast of BBC Switch's Class of 2008's independent life, however impulsive and kinda irresponsible it is.

or the afternoon chat i had with my aunties about nationality and our disappointment about this nation (well, i didn't complain much since as you know i'm abstaining on all that) which makes me want to flee Indo even more.

and then talking about my future with them. Work, and chances on working abroad. i feel i so need to improve my life.

later i discussed about working abroad with my boyf, and i became sad.. about the idea of parting, eventhough it's just an idea, but if the opportunity comes i know i will want to take it so badly.

and then i weep and weep because i am angry that my life after college still hasn't begun. I really really really want to work. to move out of the house. to get on with my life. get married or do something, anything.

however hard it is to be in that jungle at least i'll be living my life. my very own life.

o yeah, i said something kinda smart last night hahaha

It's ok tante if they become Singaporeans. It's doesnt matter what their nationality is, Indonesia will always be their heritage. It's two different things. This country has got nothing to offer anymore.

(Tante Silvi lives in S'pore and her son who was born there and has dual nationality had to enroll in s'pore's military service if he wants to continue living there, but that would make him singaporean by nationality. Yet if he choose otherwise he has to come back to Indonesia)

I love this country, i do, really. But it's a love-hate situation. i love it but it (or the ppl that runs it) seems to hate me. So at the same time i'm trying to forget my love and attachment to it because i know everything's so f-ed up. It's like dating a guy or since we're talking about our mother land, having a mom who likes to beat you up as a favorite past time.. Simply heart breaking.

ah anyways...

i'll just stop. i want to keep a positive vibe today.

Until next time!!! :))