twenty one

i'll be 21 in a few, and so as i've done last year and the year before, since i started this blog, it's time for another reflection of the previous year.

my 20th year was about courage, taking risks, and learning, discovering more of my potential. this year, for my 21st i've learned a great deal of things. things i wouldn't've been able to overcome without the courage i earned last year. So much had happened, some good, some bad, and some are very good. ;D

this year i learned about my heart, and through it i learned about honesty, independence, dependence and reaching for what i want.

i used to 'drive' my heart. point it to what it should want, and how it should want it. sometimes i drive it to conform with majority's opinion, sometimes to its contrary. Alhamdulillah udah ngga lagi. setelah i look back to this year, i've been more honest to myself, banyak banget langkah yang gue ambil itu based on intuition. i close my eyes and try to listen to what my heart's saying. sometimes i can't hear it clearly, sometimes i argue with it, sometimes i try to ignore it, but in the end i follow it. It made me do things i didn't know i'm capable of, it made me do impulsive things tapi untungnya it all turned out allright., even better. It showed me another side of myself i did not know existed, and it gave me the courage to dream and to reach for it.

this year gw mengalami kehilangan yang menurut gue cukup banyak. kalau secara jumlah sih memang cuma sedikit, tapi kehilangan itu cukup painful dan bikin gue restless karena mereka orang-orang yang sangat penting, or used to be penting dalam hidup gue. these losses made me feel betrayed, and it put me in a state of denial, it also gave me nightmares to a point where i refuse to sleep, karena these losses happened berbarengan. tapi lalu these loss taught me to be more independent and to stand with my own two feet. they taught me that despite all those pop songs' lyrics, some friends you can't really rely on. not even the bestest of them. and the remaining that you can trust, you must keep.

despite the losses, i've also gained a lot this year. i had 2 internships this year yang memberi gue pengalaman yang besaaarrrr and new friends too. and i went to europe last summer, to london and paris the 2 cities i wanted to visit the most (and still wanting to come back! :) ) but the best of it all is that i've got a special someone now.. :) i started this year quite alone, with half a heart of what's left from my unsuccessful soulsearchings dan optimism yang semakin menipis sementara rasanya capeeeeeek banget not having someone to share. memang sih along the way ada juga yang nemenin tapi none of them feel quite 'right'. alhamdulillah.. sekarang ngga lagi. it still amazes me how things fall perfectly, comfortly between us, and at such a short time.. -duh, jangan" a big fight is around the corner nih :p - well, so far he's been everything i prayed for, and i hope so am i for him. insya allah lancar-lancar terus ya.. aamiin *crossing all my fingers* :)

this has been a blessed year. with all the challenges i encountered in it, it is strangely comfortable. dan melewati tahun ini, i have a bigger confidence, comfort in my own skin, peace of mind, and contentment.

for next year,
i've got new hopes and dreams, BIG dreams..
Insya Allah bisa kesampean yah.. aamiin.. :))