trying to be honest

i have a problem with honesty..

buat gue sangat sulit untuk mengungkpakan (cuih), mengutarakan apa yang gue rasakan. the things that's mounting up inside me sampai akhirnya it explodes. or someone else notices it and make me say it outloud.

bukannya gue suka menutupnutupi.. tapi i find comfort in keeping things to myself. karena by keeping it then i'd escape conflict, or so it seems karena actuallly cuma menunda. karena gue selalu berharap by keeping it the problem would go away by itself. dan most times because i just can't describe what i'm feeling.

dating me would be a tough job for the unpatient because you would have to sit me down and ask what's wrong when i act strange. upon the first question i would say 'nothing, i'm ok' and smile, because: 1. i want it to be ok, 2. i don't want you to be hurt or burdened by my complaints

yesterday i had an issue with abang.. and he sat me down and we talked and he was very helpful comforting me helped me get it off my chest, tapi belum semuanya.. and it's not because i didn't want to tell him tapi at the time i didn't know how to lay it on the table.. but i had time to think and retrace and now i know. and i so have to tell him. tapi susaaahhh.. karena i'm not used to telling people how i feel! it's just so DAMN scary!!!

*now i'm stressed*

sighs..